Councilwoman Demands Permits Be Submitted in Cursive

A routine session on streamlining business permits derailed when longtime council member Marjorie Keller of Keller Stationery insisted all forms be notarized in cursive handwriting. "Typing is for drafts," Keller declared. "Cursive shows character. If someone can't loop an 'f,' they're not fit to run a café." A follow-up meeting has been scheduled. Members privately admit it will stall again if Keller demands documentation be in fountain pen ink.

At press time, city staff confirmed that three applicants had already withdrawn their permit requests. Two cited "scheduling conflicts." One cited "my handwriting." The city's small business liaison, who asked not to be named, noted that calligraphy courses in the area are now fully booked through April. She did not appear to find this funny.